In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
