On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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