His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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