so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
