I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
