he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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