is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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