ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
