im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
