i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
