I accidentally had phone sex last night
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
