I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
