I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
