I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just had sex bonerless
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
