Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
