U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
