We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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