Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
