you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
