You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
