we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ttyl tear gas
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
