so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
