No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
