You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
