I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This baby is an asshole
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
