If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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