I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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