I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
