An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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