Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
