Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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