dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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