Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
