belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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