You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
