she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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