We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
