Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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