When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
