He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize