I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
