3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
