I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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