Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
