remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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