i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
