sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
