I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
