Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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