You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
