Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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