why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you had me at cake vodka
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
