i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
