you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
