i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
