the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
