Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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